citrusjava: (Default)
So much to say, but first of all -
Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!
also,
Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean!
And some others.
but -
the song playing as Sam got Dean home (to his bed...) and went through the initial shock, is the same one that played as Dean kissed Cassie goodbye. Whether intentional or not - hm.

Both are unwanted goodbyes, Wincest, of course...
also - "You meet someone like her, doesn't it makes you wonder if it's worth it? Putting everything else on hold, doing what we do?"
Dean wouldn't stop to be with Cassie... how about - stop to be with Sam...?
Or, really - wouldn't change for Sam, but would change to hang out with Crowley?
That must be one of the things that hurt Dean about Ruby - Sam embraciung the life more than he ever did fo Dean, "for her"...
Would stopping, for Dean, have to mean dying? Has been sounding like perhaps not, but maybe...
Honestly, I miss those questions and themes, perhaps we'll get more of them now.
citrusjava: (Default)
"It turns out I have a thematic, which is tight relationships between friends who are brothers, with unstated homoerotic subtext" ~Eric Kripke
Guy knows his audience, if nothing else.
citrusjava: (Default)
So, I've been trying to get into Welcome to Night Vale. Listened to three episodes, and it was cool, good sense of wonder, but I'm missing some sort of something to care about. Like a relationship, a character, plot, give me something.

Can anyone rec key episodes to listen to that have that (if they exist)?

Also: "This piece is bout two brothers. One who has hit rock bottom and was given a second chance at life, and the other, who's there to support and help him on this new path".

Beautiful, and bestest hug, bestest.
citrusjava: (Default)
Sisters:
Heh, sister and I got asked today how long we'd been together (they had to ask me three times till I understood what they were saying, LOL). Which reminded me - I'd forgotten we used to get that question a lot a couple of years back. puts all those Winchester scenes in a different perspective. Though I insist that choosing to include them, and so many of them, in a text, means a whole lot :)

Lizards:
Every night, for the past couple of nights, and I suspect before that too, two small lizards meet at a certain spot near the ceiling and chat, making small noises that first drew my attention to them. That is so cute.

Pretties!
Oh, look at all the pretties [livejournal.com profile] stir_of_echoes made!



It's interesting to me that Dean was the one directed to be more dominant, and Sam the one submitting, here, unlike in later seasons. In almost all of Dean's love/sex scenes in later seasons - and from what I've seen, almost all of Jensen's - stands there and experiences, gets kissed, gets touched, and reacts so beautifully I just- OK, back on track, me.I notice that in a lot of older fics Dean is considered "the obvious top". Did that change after that Sam/Ruby scene? Or unrelated?

I'm generally not a fan of the top/bottom discussion, I don't like that it links so many characteristics and relationship elements to a preference of position. Especially not when it's also linked to "being the girl", which bothers me from every one of my genders, and as a trans person too. ot to mention, having to define yourself according to your partner/force your partner to define themselves a way they don't like to keep your identity.

That said, when I disconnect it from the stereotypes and think about it as play, I like the role playing around it, like the negotiations it sometimes comes with, like the identity issues it brings up (and even more when they're Sam's, cause that's rarer), and most of all love having a variety of depictions. Since it's linked to so many things, it's lovely to be able to see the different sides of the boys in different stories, or even better - in the same stories. And it's awesome there there is so much fic in which there is definitely no clear top/bottom. I just love that there are many options, that are all considered in character.
citrusjava: (Default)
ETA: Unrelated, but fun. [livejournal.com profile] annie_46fic wrote a fill for my prompt. It's sweet and touching, and the best explanation I've read so far for the mood whiplash of 811. In it, Jared and Sam switch bodies during the filming of season 8, and there's some discussion of motivation, some hurt and some comfort.


[this is a little spoilery for the first two seasons. Please don't spoil further, haven't watched yet]
So slashy )

First of all - I rec. Go watch!

Second - where is all the fic?! That's as slashy as it gets, and one single fic on AO3?

citrusjava: (Default)
Purity is discussed in this season by both Dean and Sam.

Sam talks about his deep need to become pure of his imperfections. The most important part of that is, perhaps, to be good enough to be approved of and seen as a person by Dean. Loved for his own self, rather than as someone to take care of. Seems that Sam believes Dean doesn't love him in that way, because Sam doesn't deserve it. As [livejournal.com profile] de_nugis pointed out too, Dean doesn't give Sam a reason to think otherwise. Sam first confesses this at the church, to whatever deity. Later he confesses the same to Dean - who, for all he refused to a tool of heaven, sure developed clear moral ideas and expectations of Sam. And to Sam, growing up with this glowing, strong, self assured, beloved big brother, for all he doesn't know it - Dean is perhaps as close to a deity as he gets.

Dean talked about purity as well, mostly in the beginning of the season. To Dean, purgatory was pure. This can be read as merely an expression of things being black and white there, easy, with no moral dilemmas . If so, it should be asked how come, in this blessedly black and white setting, Dean decided to cross the line and become close to a vampire. Perhaps it somehow allowed it? Regardless, there's maybe another way of seeing this purity.

Purgatory is built almost exactly in accordance with glorified reports of WWII as a purely masculine space, in which men can closely bond in a way unmarred by sex and not disturbed by women*. In which men can revert to their true masculine form, discover what they're really made of, and kill plenty of monsters.

Perhaps to Dean, like Sam, purity is being worthy of love, to him by John? Perhaps being a soldier, like John was, killing monsters daily and without qualms, like perhaps John seemed to demnad, was a way of finally being what Dean imagines John wanted?

For all Dean is a baddass, he is not traditionally masculine in every way. He is vulnerable, at times soft. He is pretty. He is loving, sensitive, and often wears his heart on his sleeve. Even the way he allows himself to express delight is not manly. He takes care of people - which may have been appreciated by John when directed at Sam and himself, but perhaps less as a simple characteristic. At least, in the way Dean imagines what John would appreciate. In many ways, Dean is not a good example of traditional masculinity. He must know this. It's probably the reason for a lot of his overcompensation.

It makes sense that Dean makes such an effort to be "a real man", cause that's what he believes John wanted of him. What is was, perhaps, supposed to grow into by then, but hasn't because of some inner flaw . What he's supposed to be, to be worthy of being a person. Just like Sam towards Dean. Perhaps to Dean, becoming pure and worthy means scrubbing off the places in which he is not masculine enough.

___________
*By the way, this resonates in a lot of SPN. For example - the tropes of women connected with this? The pure, incorporeal concept, often of a caretaker (like Mary, early Anna), the evil bitch (crossroads demon, Lilith and many others), the sweetheart at home who gets close to no characteristics and is not part of anyone's life (Lisa, perhaps Jess), and random one-night stands.

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