citrusjava: (Default)
[ profile] kalliel[Bad username or site: @]! Remember the whole discussion about Jared somehow always being to Jensen's right? Or was that Dean/Sam?
There's new evidence!
m 01:00

citrusjava: (Default)
Title: Took my chances on a big jet place
Pairing: >Dean & Sam
Words: 850
Warnings: recreational drug and alcohol use, brief mention of sex work
Spoilers: small spoiler for 11x19

It was probably oregano anyway

Dean feels around the cooler for his last beer. It's warm and damp, but it's not like he's wearing a top hat either. Tried to get all the dust and mud off his clothes before touching Baby, but even stripped half naked he's dragging some forest onto her leather. He pats the seat, swipes the filth away with a gentle thumb. Gonna give her a nice tuneup when they're outta there, he promises her, himself.

Five days he hasn't seen a living soul, or a dead one for that matter, trail's cold, and he's getting twitchy in all that nothin. Dad's in Colorado, looking into reports of localizes hurricanes, coming out of nowhere, going nowhere, plenty of eyewitnesses but no blip on the meteorological radar. Dean hasn't heard from him since he left. Tells himself it's the reception in the forest, but he knows it's crystal.

He thumbs the phone, good five bars of reception.

Drinks his beer.

He could step right out of the world, no blip. He might not even notice if he did.

Calls information, asks for the number of one Robert Singer. Listens to his voice, unsure for a moment, that he still knows how to talk with anyone. There is a lot of empty in the forest.

Information hangs up. Shoulda kept the number of the girl with the cowboy boots from the bar last year. Or the chat line card someone stuck on his windshield wiper.

He's asleep by the time his phone rings. The tinny cellphone notes of Brown Eyed Girl. Hasn't played it in almost two years, and Dean's heart is beating hard before he's awake, before he registers the sound.

"Sammy? You ok?"

"Dean?" The voice sounds small and distant.

There's some rustling, then Sam swallows.

"What's going on?"

"Dean, did you ever- The parties you went to, did you never- The girls you-"

Dean's mind is racing. Halloween haunted house come to life? College succubus? Pregnant college succubus?"

"Sam, spit it out!"

Sam's voice goes meeker. "Did you ever try-"

Orgies? A girl's underwear on?

"Did you ever try smoking?"

Dean sputters. "Sammy!"

"Like - weed?"

"You smoke now?" California takes Dean's geek baby brother, it should have the decency to give him back the way it got him.

"Dean" Sam's voice is part way between annoyed and pleading. "I don't know if - if it feels right".

"What's it feel like?"

"I just - I - I - wanna puke and throw up, and" Sam's breathing gets sharp, and Dean can't hear if it's fear or tears. Dean knows shit about getting high, but he knows his brother, and he knows his Mick Jagger Mars Bar lore.

"Listen, Sammy, you got anything with sugar on you?"

"No, but it's fine, Dean, I'm fine".

"the hell you are. Listen, Sammy" Dean does Dad voice, like there's no doubt in the world. "You're stoned, you're paranoid, that's all. You don't gotta fight it, you're golden. All you gotta do is ride this out. Will be over in an hour".

Sam swallows. "What if it was - you know, what if there was something in it?"

Dean's thinking about the same lines, but that's not comin out of his mouth. "Dude, you're not in Em City, you're in college, it was probably overpriced oregano. You jonesing for pizza?"

Sam snorts, but he's still breathing wrong. "Dean, there was - in the paper - about someone like you, missing and I know it wasn't you because - but his picture looked a little - and I started thinking what if you or Dad - and I - you are missing and I - this guy Don had a joint and I - I just didn't want to think about it"

"Woah, woah, Sammy" Dean says, quiet. "Didn't go missing". I didn't go missing. "'m right here, you hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah. I know" Sam tries to sound grown up, and only misses by a few years. Like Dean's voice sounded in his ears when that spirit had Dean by the throat, and Dad was bleeding out - grown up and messed up and scared. "Just you're not here, and I just, I didn't want - if something wasn't gonna be ok with you - or - me - I didn't want to never - just wanted to I wanted to-"

"'s alright"

Sam's breathing a bit better now, and Dean's chest unclenches. "So what, you're embracing the ways of the locals? Flowers in your hair?"

Dean can hear the weak smile in Sam's voice. "You'd love it. They put broccoli on their pizza".

Dean makes the expected a disgusted voice, like it's a normal conversation, like they still know how to talk with each other proper.

"It's better than fried spam for breakfast".

"It's good enough for Commander Sheers, it's good enough for me".

"Commander Sheers never ate fried spam".

"You're high".

Sam laughs.

Dean tries for more.

"Little Sammy, a space cowboy, riding shotgun on the Great Red Shark!"

"You're such an ass" Sam's voice is warm, and he sounds ok, sounds regular.

"Rock on gold dust woman! Don’t Step on the Grass, Sam"

"Dean" Sam asks, like there's too much space in his world too, too many miles of room.

"Yeah, Sammy?"

"Stay on the phone with me till the hour's over?"

"Sure, kid".
citrusjava: (Default)
Title: This is not why
Characters: Dean, Sam
Spoilers: 11x02, earlier
Warnings: show level violence, quick and dirty writing

Dean can't take losing Sam again. But that is not why they're staying the hell away from that Regan MacNeil kid.

Sam hadn't felt right for some time, after the cage. Dean had kept explaining it away to himself. No one comes back from hell just right. Probably Sam had been kind enough to look the other way a few times for Dean, when Dean just got back topside. Finding out he'd been lying to himself, about a case, about Sam, that Sam came back wrong, that Sam really was still in hell, Dean's worst nightmare, and Dean was just letting him rot down there, lugging this monster around in his passenger seat across the country - that was a big one for Dean. So yeah, maybe he overstated the 'freak' just a bit .

But that Sam was never evil, not in the hunt-him-down-or-he'll-drink-the-blood-of-your-loved-ones sense. He killed innocents, but wasn't that always the ways, for them.

He chilled Dean to his core, the things he was willing to do, the things Sam was and this thing wasn't. Dean was never meant to be no one's moral compass.

Dean can't say how come Sammy was never a murderous fuck even without his soul. Maybe Sam's used to holding on in order to stay unevil. Maybe it's because Sam is Sam.

But one thing, Dean knows. No way is he allowing Sammy around that Darkness child.

Not because Sam could lose his soul again. Because if Sammy saw what it did to other people, he would never believe he wasn't the same.

citrusjava: (Default)
There is no new episode right now, but here's a nip of what could happen after last week's episode.

Title: But Don't Give Yourself Away
Relationship: Sam/Dean
Time: 02:08
Spoilers: 923, Do You Believe in Miracles
Notes: Sometimes, when I've had a rough day or twenty, I want to create something, put something in the world that I made happen. Little act of subjectivity. This is one of those.

Summary: This is what could have happened right after the ending of Do You Believe in Miracles

Stream or Download
citrusjava: (Default)
What if Dean's not telling Sam (he perhaps could have convinced him to do things Dean's way, he often does, like in Sacrifice), and not telling Cas, even, even though Cas was likely to be understanding - what if it's partially because Dean doesn't feel he deserves to have a happy ending?

I've been uncomfortable about about how the Batcave was too much to give the boys and still expect the series premise to remain stable and the boys to remain stable. Perhaps, being given something that big, the same way Sam retreated into himself and didn't quite take it (room etc), perhaps Dean needed it to be less good in order to be able to - IDK, exist in it?

He always said he wasn't gonna ever get an ending like that - gonna die young and that. And then he accepted it really well, enjoying it all - perhaps that was only while he didn't expect it to last? And as soon as he realized they did live there, and he had Sam, and they had a way in which Sam could perhaps enjoy the life while also not giving up his scholarly tendencies, and Cas was around, and even Kevin and Charlie were there a bit - family(ish) - perhaps that was simply too much - too foreign? And trouble, and having to worry about Sam and the supernatural, and even being horrible guilty - were at least something he knew how to deal with?

Probably, had he lost Sam, it would have been a whole lot like being with Lisa - and he couldn't go through that again... but still, he could have made it less of a problem, I believe.

And an unrelated Wincesty quote from 910 )
citrusjava: (Default)
This has been floating around the internet for a while.
It gives me Sam and Dean thoughts, perhaps because of the younger sibling being longer haired and pouting, and the older sibling standing there straighter - and I can see kid Dean doing the same, trying to push aside his annoyance and being the quiet, responsible, good boy, daddy's soldier.

Hmm. On an unrelated note - yesterday at class the discussion reached men not being allowed to seriously use the word "daddy". I hadn't slept for over 30 hours, and I remember, from far away, being pretty expressive and hand-wavy. Hmm. Can I claim I was possessed by questionably well intentioned glowy-eyed thing?
citrusjava: (Default)
Title: Celebrate You, Baby
Author: CitrusJava
Pairing: Dean/Sam
Rating: light R? How do you rate kink?
Words: 1470
Warnings/kinks: Praise kink, light d/s, rushed, unbetaed
Notes: Set during Tall Tales. This is me day 2, season 2 entry for the 8 Days of Wincest Challenge.
Special thanks to [ profile] balder12, who introduced me to the fantastic concept of praise kink. There's all sorts of other kinks in there, that I don't have names for. Tell me, if you have them.
(more notes in the end)

Summary: They both threw themselves into this stupid fight instead of talking. But Sam needs Dean to look at him the way he does.
Sam never talks about )


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