I agree that the fandom isn't particularly fair to Sam. And yeah, equating sacrifice with love really bothers me, too.
I guess when I think of kid!Sam being snotty, I think of how he was portrayed by writers like candle_beck, pdragon76, big_pink, and roque_clasique. In their stories, kid!Sam is the bad kid BECAUSE he's the good kid. He cares about school, he's considerate and conscientious (though not always wrt John), and he cares about Dean. In all the ways that normally matter, he's doing everything right. But that's not what John values, or what John feels he has the ability to reward. What makes him the 'snotty' kid is that he's exactly as stubborn as John, and just as resistant to John's POV as John is to his. So he can be a little sullen sometimes, and a lot sarcastic. Particularly as a teenager. In a lot of those fics, he wants out for himself AND for Dean, but his frustration and the way he butts heads with John often ends up making things worse for himself and for Dean. And when Dean won't go with him, he doesn't have much choice about leaving him behind. Like you said, just because he couldn't save Dean then didn't mean he didn't love him.
I guess I don't see Sam being snotty with John as a condemnation of him. It's hard when Dean is the one who ends up between them, but a lot of the time from Sam's perspective he's rebelling for them both.
I wonder if Dean ever thought that if he were more like John, and Sam still loved him, then maybe Sam might find a way to make peace with John by extension. How could Sam still be so angry with John, if so much of what he hated about John was a part of Dean?
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I guess when I think of kid!Sam being snotty, I think of how he was portrayed by writers like candle_beck, pdragon76, big_pink, and roque_clasique. In their stories, kid!Sam is the bad kid BECAUSE he's the good kid. He cares about school, he's considerate and conscientious (though not always wrt John), and he cares about Dean. In all the ways that normally matter, he's doing everything right. But that's not what John values, or what John feels he has the ability to reward. What makes him the 'snotty' kid is that he's exactly as stubborn as John, and just as resistant to John's POV as John is to his. So he can be a little sullen sometimes, and a lot sarcastic. Particularly as a teenager. In a lot of those fics, he wants out for himself AND for Dean, but his frustration and the way he butts heads with John often ends up making things worse for himself and for Dean. And when Dean won't go with him, he doesn't have much choice about leaving him behind. Like you said, just because he couldn't save Dean then didn't mean he didn't love him.
I guess I don't see Sam being snotty with John as a condemnation of him. It's hard when Dean is the one who ends up between them, but a lot of the time from Sam's perspective he's rebelling for them both.
I wonder if Dean ever thought that if he were more like John, and Sam still loved him, then maybe Sam might find a way to make peace with John by extension. How could Sam still be so angry with John, if so much of what he hated about John was a part of Dean?