Drabble: You Don't Do it to Forget

[citrusjava]

Title: You don't do it to Forget
Character: Dean
Rating: PG-13?
Warnings: Drinking. Written on sleep deprivation. The author's notes include mentions of Dean/Crowley and of Dean/Sam
Spoilers: 10x03 and much earlier (pleaseplease, no future spoilers in the comments)
Summary: And that's not a thing you want to know.

Sometimes you can get so drunk, so drunk, but you don't get happy, and you don't black out, and it doesn't even stop you hurting. It just changes focus, takes one bit of you away and gives you another instead. So for once it's not Dad, it's you storming out, your insides corroding in the things Dad keeps saying and you just need a beer. But a few later you find yourself crying over this chick who dumped you, for telling her that ghosts were real. And even though you'd convinced yourself you're good, and this is better anyway, guys like you just don't have girlfriends - you can't shake it, now that you know.


Or you do shots getting over a chick, and you find yourself smushing your face into the cute bartender's naked thigh, and you're sobbing over the brother you haven't seen in three years, stubble and drool. And the next day you're chugging aspirin to make the world a little less bright, and you remember saying you needed him with you, needed to go get him whether he liked it or not, and that's not a thing you wanted to know.

It's weird like that, booze. Or you wake up the next day and you've been a demon for months.

And you remember saying things about wanting a life of your own.

~

Author's notes: You wake up and you were a demon, and you remember spending months on the gayest bar hop not to include a gay bar. You were a demon, and that doesn't make it OK that your brother tied you up, your baby brother slapped you and grabbed your face like the time he was begging you to kill him, and you just wanted him to shove his fingers in your mouth till you came. You wake up and remember you tried to kill Sam the way he did before he got his soul back, but that's the sort of thing you two figure out, or punch each other over, or make sure you forget . You wake up and you remember dumping the king of hell. And you remember kissing the king of hell, before that. And forever and always, you must at all cost hide the fact that you've known the words to Born this Way, have ever since it was in the charts.

Comments

[balder12.livejournal.com]

Poor Dean. He buries so many secrets in drink. And yeah, his time with Crowley was the gayest thing ever. If they didn't hook up at some point I'll eat my hat.

[frozen_delight]

This is a marvellous portrayal of Dean's state of mind. I especially liked the distinction between Sam and Dean here - Sam's the happy drunk, Dean is not. Not by far.

[zara-zee.livejournal.com]

the gayest bar hop not to include a gay bar Lol! :)

Very nice canon-adjacent piece! Enjoyed the fact that Dean believes that knowing the words to Born this Way is far worse than having made out with the King of Hell! That's so very Dean! :)

[kalliel]

That last line askja;klfj; . <333 I love the way this drops through years so quickly, connected by act rather than chronology. And the author's notes, which are a continuation of the fic in themselves. Really neat piece. <333