Recent Entries

Entry tags:

asexual,
real life

(no subject)

[mentions of sexuality, asexuality, sex repulsion, assault, abuse, and, well, navel gazing, but that's nothing new here....]

So I'm in this online group of people whose research has anything to do with gender studies.

And this woman comes in - she is writing a seminary paper about women's sexual liberation and is asking for recommendations for resources about how women can free themselves from the bonds of oppression and be sexually free.

And everyone's - um.... - because it's - so many assumptions, disturbing disturbing assumptions, and it's this polite group where everyone pretends to be polite and no one says "omg, you have at least forty years of feminism to go before we can even communicate!"....

So people offered her some things - a paper about rape culture that she claimed to have found and read in 12 minutes, a paper about the nature of consent, and a paper about sex not being all that horrible despite what feminists say.... which she ruled out too....

Then a few hours later, nighttime and people talk differently at night. Someone else came in, and asked whether there are, in fact, and known sex positive feminists who are straight. On the assumption that men are the worst to have sex with. So we're joking about that and kinda googling and trying to come up with people (found at least one, btw), and saying that since you can be straight and sex repulsed, you can be straight and sex positive and never have sex in actuality, just support sex.

And someone grumbles that she's not straight but she still sleeps with guys, etc etc - and the original posted pops in and says - yes - I'm sex repulsed, that is why I am writing this paper, to try and fix it....

Which is so completely different from the "why are you being mean towards men" that I'd braced myself for....

I told her that - it might be completely irrelevant for her, but thatit took me ages to find anyone like me, so just in case - that I was so relieved and happy to discover that I was allowed to just - not want sex, if I didn't want to! That it was ok to just stay that way and that I never, ever, had to do it again if I didn't want i! And that if I felt like trying - that was cool! And if I liked just tiny thing and not the rest - cool! An that wanting to change it is totally fine too, but that it really is not a must! ~jazz hands~

I was expecting her to be proper and say thanks, no - but she said - something wistful about courage - said that she just had to - first of all - want sex, find a way to get over the influences of sexual oppression like she should have already done, that only once she's sexual she'll be able to know whether she want is really, that was why she was writing this paper, because she had to want sex, for her boyfriend.... that she didn't want to be asexual, for him....

it was friggin heartbreaking!
Bubblewrap and cocoa and a bi "No!" sign in case she needs it, you know....

So we're having this conversation, she writes a question/comment and deletes it, I reply and delete it, so she knows no one is going to find out about her.... late night conversations, you know....

I'm giving her the shpeel - you don't have to be asexual to not want to have sex, influences of oppression are not our fault and we don't deserve to both suffer from it and be blamed for suffering, it's ok to want to change, no one deserve to have sex they don't want, ....

and she friggin comes out to me as ace.

So the opposite of the person I assumed was writing all of this earlier....
I tried to be reassuring and encouraging, you know....
and it was such a throwback to always always being THAT PERSON, or everyone gay, bi, then trans or non-binary (and poly, queer, family, questioning ffs) - I forgot how good it felt to be able to help someone like that.... I forgot how draining it is, too....but I forgot how comforting it is to be able to really make a difference for somebody.... to have a way to help, to feel for them and actually be able to do something good - without it causing complete destruction for me....

I am ambivalent about taking that role - it was part of my abuse back when, not to mention - things like - one of the guys who assaulted me first used me for this, things like that - and being that person was NOT always consensual....

but
it felt real nice to be able to help, made me feel worthwhile, confident, capable, and just - happy for her, comforted because she seemed to feel better, maybe....

Entry tags:

One super important thing about 11x10

[brief mention of bloodplay, sex, idk]

Cas, imagine you walk into the Bunker’s kitchen, and there are Dean and Sam kissing like there's nothing else in the world! And they look up at you and kinda smile, Dean does that eyebrow thing and Sam looks both vulnerable and ravenous, and they say - get in here, Cas, we’ll show you a sandwich you can still enjoy - in that situation, what are you doing?

( what what )

Entry tags:

One super inportant thing about 11x10

Entry tags:

food,
meme

Days Meme: Food I used to love but now don't - for Kalliel <3

Pasta.
I used to love pasta. At least, I believed i did?
I used to love eating spaghetti messily - which I still get - and I loved the tomato sauce from powder (because I didn't know better) and I loved loved loved bits of cheese in it - never mozzarella, but this yellow kiddie cheese. Any bit of cheese was worth it all, it made the dish. And I'd cook the sauce in this small pot myself when I wanted it. My mom had this notion of adding the cheese to the sauce as you cooked it, idek why! But she allowed me to do it on the plate. It was never, or almost never, grated cheese! It was slices of cheese and we had to cut it into pieces with out hands, piece by piece, and place the pieced around the dish on our plate - not even just stick a slice on there or in there and let it melt. The cheese and sauce were PERFECT, I say! PERFECT :) :) :) :)

My mother was not opposed adding mushrooms to this. Which as everything that's wrong with this country. Or something. She once suggested I made sauce out of the two powder bags we had - tomato and mushroom!?! I tell ya. Or I am pretty sure she'd ever added canned sliced mushrooms to that tomato sauce that I loved! What what what what no!

When I was a bit older, I loved mushroom Alfredo. Or spinach, any interesting thing.

I wanted to taste black spaghetti for so long, and the green and red types, but I was a vegetarian, so no black - and the others were not available, or it turned out they tasted just the same as ever?

I found this glorious sauce recipe that was finely chopped fresh tomatoes, a lot a lot of fresh herbs, and iinm plenty of lemon juice and some very fine onion.
Though M claimed it was no longer pasta/spaghetti, truly, because it was not so much a sauce as it was food on its own.

One time, I didn't want the sauce I made, don't remember why, so I just seasoned mine with a ton of cumin, some vegetable oil and salt, and it was so so good. One time, I made pasta, and after I gave my brother half, the rest fell to the floor. My brother wouldn't share with my sister and I, and there weren't even ingredients for the sort I liked left.

Pasta is the stuff that every "normal" place has for vegetarians/vegans instead of something good. It is never ok.

~

M loved/loves rose' sauce - tomato sauce with a touch of cream.
I spent literally years trying to perfec a sauce that she'd like, to meet her very exacting needs on this ....

Recipe(ish):
A lot of tomato puree, a lot of oregano, some basil.
Start by frying onions - they have to be in big pieces, no puny finely cut onions.
A lot a lot of onions, preferably the golden kind, but since the sauce mostly hides the purple of the others - those can do too.
Add some garlic - preferably the dry, roughly ground type. Never ever powder ever ever! (this last one is a rule of mine in general!)
Add a cup of single cream (pref vegan), or - I've tried this with a few cups of milk and about an hour (?) (more?) reducing it - that worked too, and let it simmer gently for a bit (or just move on)
Add three cups of tomato puree, maybe 2/3 cup of dried oregano, a spoon of dried basil, or if you're out of those, hyssop or other green things will probably do.
Cook for 10-20 minutes (if there is no liquid, add very little water just so it doesn't burn)
Turn off the heat, add another cup or so of tomato puree, a lot of olive or vegetable oil, salt to taste, adjust seasoning (you'll probably want more garlic). Carefully adjust sourness with maybe one spoon of rich brown sugar (or molasses or honey - it has to be something that has its own flavor, not just sweet, or the whole dish goes off balance. Also, this needs to be added the way you'd salt to a chocolate dish - only to balance and bring out the existing flavors, putting too much in will make it a disgusting tomato desert - don't do it!)

Serve on whole grain wheat spaghetti (which has a touch of sweetness itself, and tends to be less soggy )
MUST be served with salt and cucumbers pickled in brine, not vinegar.
Pref with Parmesan or plain gouda style cheese.
Pref with light beer or red wine.

~

She really loved it, but then it was almost impossible to make it *just right*, there was always *something* :(

~

Anyway - for my own tastes - I don't like pasta anymore. I am not sure why people enjoy pasta, and must hold backk from just assuming that like me, pasta for them is an excuse for sauce. I love many sorts of sauces. I'd put them of veggies or legume or grains or potatoes or tofu or friggin eat it with a spoon, why why why why stick it on an entire plate of flavorless pointless nullness? Why ? Why? Spaghetti I kinda still get because it is fun to eat, and the Disney thing and childhood memories - but really, wouldn't you prefer just the same stuff without spaghetti in it? All the flavor, without this stuff that at the best times it mostly texture, and at bad times is not even that? Not in a good way that, that is - it gets doughy or melts or gets sticky, or worst, oily, this lunchroom food you know in gonna taste gross and then gonna make you feel gross, and without even feeling pleased and nourished and good and happy!

I have a friend who doesn't like a lot of flavor. She likes pasta but no sauce.

So far we have managed to overcome this and remain friends.

At least we can agree on heart of palm.

( Previous/future days )

Crossposts: http://citrusjava.livejournal.com/260910.html

Entry tags:

fic,
wincest

FIC: Longer that the Road (Sam/Dean, PG-13)

Title: Longer than the Road
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: PG-13?
Words: ~900
Warnings: drinking, passing mention of hentai, very much unbeta'ed
Notes: For

kalliel, who wanted Winshesters and wind slice of life

Summary: It's been some time since Sam came drinking with Dean

Sam walks next to Dean, jacket and mouth and eyes tight in the wind, rigid and withheld, only his hair raging unleashed. It makes Dean's stomach drop - or it would be funny. Sam isn't angry anymore, hasn't been in ages.

It's one of the good nights . Sam comes with him to the bar. Drinks with Dean, more than a beer or three, and Dean is pretty sure it isn't even to push down something, not more than usual. Dean buys him hunter drinks - Silver Bullet, Rusty Nail, and doesn't tell Sam their names. Sam sticks to his tequila, but he drinks with Dean, and they talk. Sam 's forgetting about his research for longer and longer breaks, Dean's eye absentmindedly following the Windows logo across the screen, calculating pool angles. Dean is not sure what they talk about what anymore, probably some horrible mush he'd rather not remember, but Sam's eyes go softer and Dean's limbs go warm and happy with scotch and company. Sam's cheeks redden, like earlier in the wind, and his eyes go starry like a girl about to enjoy some artistic triple tentacle penetration.

Dean orders sandwiches for tomorrow morning, they'll be soggy but food. Jalepinio guacamole makes a good breakfast. The waitress hands Sam the bill and Dean grabs it, ruffled. He leaves her a good tip, though, it's a slow night.

They walk out again, Dean has to put some weight against the door to get it to open, to step out. "Com'on, Sammy" Dean challenges with a smirk. Smething soft that meant to be a smirk.

The street is black gray and Dean loses their napkins in a fluttery flurry. They crash land into a black puddle, and for a moment Sam looks like he'll try to get them out. He lets them go.

Breathing makes the back of Dean's throat itch with dry particles, like the time with Rhonda - sex on the beach should only ever be a drink, sand in bad places, Sammy. But this air is frozen, thunderstorm on the way. The sort of cold that comes with bat outta hell motorbikes an' electric guitar lightning .

Dean feels like he could be lifted by the wind, is tempted to jump, just a little bit, just to find out. his muscles and weapons and heavy jacket, floating, complete with beer and tacos warming his belly. His insides thrill to it, small pulsing excitement like magic, like he hasn't been picked up or tossed around by demons, angels, forces unknown

For a moment it's so cold Dean has trouble breathing, but that doesn't make sense. A torn windsock man vindictive, store signs bangoverhead, and Dean wants to pull Sam to him, under the wing of his jacket, suddenly wary of flapping electricity lines, windborne debris .

Sam's hair is in his eyes again, but they are still shining under there, as he hurries past Dean, wind catching in the open arms of his jacket. Sam's smiling silly and wide, old enough to be boyish like once. Smiling at Dean - shy, but not backing off. Sam doesn't back off from a challenge.

And in a moment Dean runs after him, half lifted by the wind, almost laughing. It's ok, they're just a little drunk. Sam was always faster than him, but they are banging together, Sam's hair lashing, how is Sam always so warm. Sam's belly is soft despite his training, under Dean's frozen hand, and Sam's yelp is almost as pleasant as the sensation of Sam.

Baby's solid and chilly even through Dean's jacket, through the gap under Dean's shirts. Sam's leaning against him long limbed, looking up at Dean - bending to open the door. Sam's eyes reflect the lines of light reflecting off her, even through the layer of dust, through everything . Sam's hair gets in Dean's mouth, and Sam straightens, warmth undulating, belt to collarbone, and Dean's thoughts scatter, flutter, why are they always the idiots with their overshirts open in the storm. Dean wants to close their shirts, close their shirts together, to share heat, buttons and holes and mouths -

They're finally inside, The windshield is covered with dust, leaves caught in the wipers and flapping around outside, looks as if it is so noisy outside. A few sharp raindrops, thin and brilliant across the filthy glass, a mistake to try and clean the windows now anyway, it'd just make a mess and clog his Baby's washer spray jet.

Street lights are hazy in the muddy air, traffic lights brilliant out of focus like fair candy, sweet and bright, strawberry, orange, lime. Sam's breath warms Dean's cheek, like blowing on Sam's fingers long ago, through gloves, without gloves.

He puts the guacamole in the back seat. Digs in the glove compartment for Metallica, something soft to put Sam to sleep. The rain waited for them to be in, bangs on the roof rhythmically, wave after wave with the wind, and Baby's almost shaking too, or maybe dancing .

Dean has the urge to stick his head out in the rain, his naked torso out, to run outside and yell, and maybe howl, like a werewolf or a frat boy douchebag, to crash into streetwater and have Sam collect him.

Doesn't know whether he's brave, scared, or just so tired.

And he's kissing Sam long and sweet, heart pounding up to his throat, as if they've never done it before, as if they've never stopped doing it.

Crossposts: http://citrusjava.livejournal.com/260619.html

Entry tags:

meme,
nano

Days Meme: Creative new thing to do for starrylizard

Starrylizard prompted:

If you could offer me one creative suggestion, something new I should try (doesn't need to be fandom related), what would it be?

I've given this a lot of thought, though I should say that I don't know you that deeply, so I may be off. I considered fandoms, tropes, prompts, kinks, social justice stuff and geeky experiments.... BUT - IINM, you did and enjoyed GISHWHES. A somewhat similar activity I can't find evidence you've tried, is NaNoWrimo.

You probably know all about it, but just in case - this takes place during November (though there are other events during other months of the year) - and the goal is writing 50,000 of a story.

I rec it, for the craziness and the camaraderie, for the things you discover about yourself and the things you teach yourself to write while scrambling to do so.

I personally have never managed to finish editing one of the drafts I'd written for this - but I did enjoy, felt a belonging, and had just a wild crazy having fun time. It's an excuse ot write for days, to put it before other things. It is definitely draining, so that is something to take into account when deciding whether or not to do so. And if it takes you in the self flagellation path - then no, don't do that to yourself, that sucks! - but if you can ENJOY IT - YES!

Entry tags:

fic,
wincest

FIC: Longer than the Road (Sam/Dean, pg-13)

Title: Longer than the Road
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: PG-13?
Warnings: drinking, very much unbeta'ed
Notes: For Kalliel, who wanted Winshesters and wind slice of life

Summary: It's been some time since Sam came drinking with Dean

Sam walks next to Dean, jacket and mouth and eyes tight in the wind, rigid and withheld, only his hair raging unleashed. It makes Dean's stomach drop - or it would be funny. Sam isn't angry anymore, hasn't been in ages.

It's one of the good nights . Sam comes with him to the bar. Drinks with Dean, more than a beer or three, and Dean is pretty sure it isn't even to push down something, not more than usual. Dean buys him hunter drinks - Silver Bullet, Rusty Nail, and doesn't tell Sam their names. Sam sticks to his tequila, but he drinks with Dean, and they talk. Sam 's forgetting about his research for longer and longer breaks, Dean's eye absentmindedly following the Windows logo across the screen, calculating pool angles. Dean is not sure what they talk about what anymore, probably some horrible mush he'd rather not remember, but Sam's eyes go softer and Dean's limbs go warm and happy with scotch and company. Sam's cheeks redden, like earlier in the wind, and his eyes go starry like a girl about to enjoy some artistic triple tentacle penetration.

Dean orders sandwiches for tomorrow morning, they'll be soggy but food. Jalepinio guacamole makes a good breakfast. The waitress hands Sam the bill and Dean grabs it, ruffled. He leaves her a good tip, though, it's a slow night.

They walk out again, Dean has to put some weight against the door to get it to open, to step out. "Com'on, Sammy" Dean challenges with a smirk. Smething soft that meant to be a smirk.

The street is black gray and Dean loses their napkins in a fluttery flurry. They crash land into a black puddle, and for a moment Sam looks like he'll try to get them out. He lets them go.

Breathing makes the back of Dean's throat itch with dry particles, like the time with Rhonda - sex on the beach should only ever be a drink, sand in bad places, Sammy. But this air is frozen, thunderstorm on the way. The sort of cold that comes with bat outta hell motorbikes an' electric guitar lightning .

Dean feels like he could be lifted by the wind, is tempted to jump, just a little bit, just to find out. his muscles and weapons and heavy jacket, floating, complete with beer and tacos warming his belly. His insides thrill to it, small pulsing excitement like magic, like he hasn't been picked up or tossed around by demons, angels, forces unknown

For a moment it's so cold Dean has trouble breathing, but that doesn't make sense. A torn windsock man vindictive, store signs bangoverhead, and Dean wants to pull Sam to him, under the wing of his jacket, suddenly wary of flapping electricity lines, windborne debris .

Sam's hair is in his eyes again, but they are still shining under there, as he hurries past Dean, wind catching in the open arms of his jacket. Sam's smiling silly and wide, old enough to be boyish like once. Smiling at Dean - shy, but not backing off. Sam doesn't back off from a challenge.

And in a moment Dean runs after him, half lifted by the wind, almost laughing. It's ok, they're just a little drunk. Sam was always faster than him, but they are banging together, Sam's hair lashing, how is Sam always so warm. Sam's belly is soft despite his training, under Dean's frozen hand, and Sam's yelp is almost as pleasant as the sensation of Sam.

Baby's solid and chilly even through Dean's jacket, through the gap under Dean's shirts. Sam's leaning against him long limbed, looking up at Dean - bending to open the door. Sam's eyes reflect the lines of light reflecting off her, even through the layer of dust, through everything . Sam's hair gets in Dean's mouth, and Sam straightens, warmth undulating, belt to collarbone, and Dean's thoughts scatter, flutter, why are they always the idiots with their overshirts open in the storm. Dean wants to close their shirts, close their shirts together, to share heat, buttons and holes and mouths -

They're finally inside, The windshield is covered with dust, leaves caught in the wipers and flapping around outside, looks as if it is so noisy outside. A few sharp raindrops, thin and brilliant across the filthy glass, a mistake to try and clean the windows now anyway, it'd just make a mess and clog his Baby's washer spray jet.

Street lights are hazy in the muddy air, traffic lights brilliant out of focus like fair candy, sweet and bright, strawberry, orange, lime. Sam's breath warms Dean's cheek, like blowing on Sam's fingers long ago, through gloves, without gloves.

He puts the guacamole in the back seat. Digs in the glove compartment for Metallica, something soft to put Sam to sleep. The rain waited for them to be in, bangs on the roof rhythmically, wave after wave with the wind, and Baby's almost shaking too, or maybe dancing .

Dean has the urge to stick his head out in the rain, his naked torso out, to run outside and yell, and maybe howl, like a werewolf or a fratboy douchbag, to crash into streetwater and have Sam collect him.

Doesn't know whether he's brave, scared, or just so tired.

And he's kissing Sam long and sweet, heart pounding up to his throat, as if they've never done it before, as if they've never stopped doing it.

Crossposts: http://citrusjava.livejournal.com/260111.html

Entry tags:

meme

Meme thing

( So this turned out a bit more embarrassing than I'd expected )

Crossposts: http://citrusjava.livejournal.com/259927.html

Entry tags:

come play,
meme

20 Days Meme!

Things are quiet again around fandom.... so wanna do this one again, because communication!

Rules are simple:
For each of the next 20 days, you are welcome to ask me to post about something. Something you'd enjoy reading. General, personal, fannish, idk! Question form is appreciated but not at all necessary.

It's ok to ask for weird things, it's ok to claim more than one day.
None of my triggers at all, please.
Can't promise for sure I'd be able to write it, but I might!

Days:

19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
1
2
3
4
5
6
7

Crossposts: http://citrusjava.livejournal.com/258896.html

Entry tags:

snowflake

Day 15

[sorry, again, people whom I owe replies - it\s really sucky of me - I AM sorry.... it just requires emotional capacity I just don't reahave right now....I treasure your comments and posts, but I am sorry I can't always reply ....really ]

This was wonderful and unexpectedly amazing.

I've enjoyed it a lot! Very much.....
Got to meet some new people, which is just so wonderful, for me! New friends (and old friends) - you seem so lovely, I really hope to get to know you better and get closer, you awesome beings~

On that note - if you've been reading and want to say hi, please do!

I started using DreamWidth for real (or, at least, it feels real, IDK how it's going to go - do things get really quiet again when there is not a challenge going on?)

I got some amazing gifts, which I did NOT expect!!!!

delacourtings made this friggin gorgeous banner for a group podfic I'd participated in, that I just - THANK YOU!!!!
http://i.imgur.com/dJCQE6O.png

And the frigging lovely

kate, whom I've ha the true pleasure of getting to know better since, wrote me this glorious Winchester fic, just for the specific trope I crave - because she is just awesome!
http://archiveofourown.org/works/5614660

Mods - I just adore being modded by you! The thoughtful things like pointing out it's ok not to post, or "if you're comfortable doing that", and the effort you make in commenting on every post, makes such a difference! Your encouragement and acceptance really made me feel so much safer and more joyous - THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR THIS CHALLENGE!

~

For me, it's been a very rugh week, and while this is not an unusual thing for me - unfortunately - they definitely stay rough....
this helped a lot, even if I didn't/couldn't always comment or post - it helped a lot-thank you all!

Crossposts: http://citrusjava.livejournal.com/256921.html

Entry tags:

real life,
tmi

(no subject)

Fell asleep last night cuddling my ~~tissues~~ toilet roll for comfort

Crossposts: http://citrusjava.livejournal.com/256626.html

Day 12: Things that pull me into a fandom

What makes you fannish? And by that we mean, what is it about a tv show/movie/book/band/podcast/etc that takes you from, "Yeah, I like that," to "I need MOAR!!!" Is it a character? A plotline? The pretty? Subtext that’s just screaming to be acknowledged?

Let me count (some of) the ways!

~ an important one is that this is a sort of relationship that I want:
with fandom, a fandom, a show, a ship, character, other fans, writers, podficcers and so forth - these are relationships I need and want in my life - the same way some people want a little sister or to get married.

~ Second, is loving and connecting with these specific characters, people, and relationships.... I have way too much in common with both Dean and Sam.... and then places we are different, or they are different from anyone I know, leave me room for imagination....
I didn't mean to ship them when I started watching the show, and didn't mean to fall in ove with them - but I very much did

~ Part of my drive to write is the subtext screaming to be addressed, part of it is wanting to celebrate things I love or enjoy about the show , sometimes I need to read fic to fix / resolve things or address things that canon forgot or tried to erase,
and simply wanting to spend more time with the characters/vibe of the show/etc

For instance - I am very late for the Big Brother bandwagon, but I watched and very much enjoyed the last two seasons, and I LOVED Vanessa! Felt like we got to experience different and interesting aspects of her, or of her persona or not - and would want to celebrate her in fannish fandom style! a pansexual poker player DJ who's a brilliant strategist and can convince people who hate her of almost anything, protective and all about the woman she loves, does this bravado thing she seems to believe sometimes, and she *is* cool but she is also insecure and sweetly awkward, so dependent on the woman she loves, loyal and insecure and smitten after years together....

~Some fandoms, I am tempted into with representation (please give me, please, more characters who are actually anything like anybody I care about in my life? Please???) and I can be tempted in by interesting, intricate characters- or sometimes by getting a very nice sandbox with so many possibilities and unexplored plots and stories.

~Or - I often am tempted to write a story by something it bugs me that canon overlooked.
A LOT of my SPN fic is because something about an episode bugged me nd was not explained, so I made up a thing to make a point....

Or - I didn't actually write this and it was Kripkied, but in My Little Pony the opening sogn tells a story of someone who literally never had any friends, didn't know how to do friendship, and then all of a sudden found herself with five close friends.
This is an interesting story. How did it never happen for years? How does she adjust ? etc

~And then there is fandom ~ people!
Having people to share it with.... people who see the subtext and you are not the only one! People who see different subtext but are also supportive of yours, and it can be so interesting! (or, devastating and horrible - you know!) People who make art or jokes or just are there, excited with you - that means SO MUCH!....

So many fandoms I got into without even knowing the canon, I still don't know the canon for some - I just listened to this fantastic podfic or an author I likedwrote fic for it, or a good friend fell in love with it and pulled me into it too.... talk about fan labor, btw....

OH! This is more of a dealbreaker - or an almost deal breaker - the creators have to be appreciative and respectful of fandom. I've left fandoms over creators being nasty - I don't want to spend my time with them anymore.... this is not to say you have to leave, all faves are problematic and it is about us not them - just that for me this is a very significant factor

Entry tags:

snowflake

day 10

In your own space, post a rec for fannish and/or creative resources and spaces. Tell us where you go to dig up canon facts for your fandom, or where you get all the juicy details about your favorite ship. Where do you like to hang out and squee like a squeeing thing?

Much like Robbie Thompson (probably my favorite writer on SPN today)- I often go to Superwiki to check for backgroud lore, details, quotes - it's an amazing amazing resource!!!!

Another amazing, important resource for me is the podfic archive, audiofic.jinjurly.com -
for me it was an amzing amazing place to find, so so so so much beautiful podfic, that did so much for me - inspired me, helped me through things, just to cope, introduced me to new fandoms and people!

Crossposts: http://citrusjava.livejournal.com/256135.html

Entry tags:

random,
real life

(no subject)

sprinkle me and yell Diagon Alley, I have so much flu....

Entry tags:

Day 9

I try to avoid making resolutions - they don't do good things for me -
but there is one goal, or hope, I want to mention, and that is friendship (or call it whatever)....

I'd like to get closes with friends that I have, and treasure
And I'd like to get to know new people who might become friends

For me, my friendship model is along the lines of J2 (believe me, I don't mean this against people who ship them romantically!). That closeness, that loyalty, being there for each other, knowing each other so well, and enjoying each other for who they are....
I want that.
Want to create that.

But other sorts of friendship can also be wonderful.

I can wax poetic here about friendship a lot - the feminist awesome aspects, the meaningful or fun aspects - just friggin valuing friendship and friends..... <3 <3

ok :)

Crossposts: http://citrusjava.livejournal.com/254404.html

Day 6: Truth or Dare or Headcanon

In your own space, create your own challenge. What’s something you want to see more people doing in fandom? Is there something you’ve tried that you think other people would enjoy if they gave it a go? Dare your friends to try it out, and have fun with it. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

ok, sure!
So, today is another one of those days for me that require every part of comfort and escapism I could find - so let's play Truth or Dare or Headcanon!

Rules are simple (assuming anyone actually wants to play) - someone starts by choosing one of the above. The next person gives them a question/dare/request for specific headcanon.
It can be dares like "record a short message for your followers" or headcanons like "tell us about that time your OTP went camping" - you know, stuff that is fun? And it is totally ok to decline a question etc! It's supposed to be fun!

OK, so - I will go first - and I am ok with either of the three

~~~~~~~~

UNRELATED NOTE:

I owe some people replies, and intend to write them soon!
I t's not been the easiest time, but please know that I treasure your messages, please

Entry tags:

meme,
snowflake

Day 3

In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

OKOK, OK ;)
OK
~~onoono~~ ;)

1) Hard to Take Courage
gen, Sad&Dean
A new little fic about Dean playing with his slinky. Not a euphemism.
(ok, mostly)
It's probably pretty typical of my writing style - little moments with meaning, dare I hope?
http://citrusjava.dreamwidth.org/4807.html

2) Try to Do it As Beautifully
Supernatual, Sam/Dean, kink
I like this story.... angst, kink, love and comfort of sorts, in 300 words
http://archiveofourown.org/works/889767

3) Save You from the Dragons
podfic, by Queenklu, Supernatural, Dean/Sam

I've recorded some podfic, editing was truly tortuous for me, and sadly it really shows in the sound quality (and is part of the reason it was *that* hard, too!) - I;ve recorde longer and more impressive podfic, I've not managed to finish editing some that I loved so so much.... and I've recorded ones with more sex, humor, whatever -
but the softness of this is meaningful for me
http://www.audiofic.jinjurly.com/save-you-from-dragons

Also I like my cover art for it, which no one has seen, pretty much....
I should find it :)

And: Return
(Supernatural gen, with Dean and Sam being whatever they are for each other in the background)

This fic is very deep and very resonant for me.... part of my soul is in it, in there....

( where I ramble and share way too much about the meaning of the fic for me, for people who have already read the fic )

http://archiveofourown.org/works/3446333

Crossposts: http://citrusjava.livejournal.com/251651.html

Entry tags:

Day 2

[hey people! I'm gonna try to do this 15 day challenge - tagging it 'snowflake' so you can unfollow the tag if you'd rather, ok?]

In your own space, create a list of at least three fannish things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a fannish wish-list of sorts. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your wish-list if you feel comfortable doing so. Maybe someone will grant a wish. Check out other people's posts. Maybe you will grant a wish. If any wishes are granted, we'd love it if you link them to this post

Oh, wow :)

1)
OK, this one is easy - I adore fanwork inspired by my stories - podfic, art - it's an amazing honor and amazing to get!

2)
There is this illusion that there are plenty of fics like this, but for me, feels like there are so few, and I miss new ones so much. I've been known to tear up with how much I miss them.... It's Dean and Sam fic (gen or ship), in which they like, want and crave each other's company, enjoy it. Better still, if it includes trope like "outside of society and alone in the world, but we've got each other", "love conquers all", "doing it with you makes it good ". Better still if it includes the little or weird details of being on the road (habbits no one thinks about anymore, places you're out of place in new ways, new places, old places, music, food, games, sleeping....) - also I have a thing for the seventies fetishization and John's ghost about it, of the ways John influenced both of them, when it's done new ways....

(sidenote: this isn't what I'm talking about, but I ramble, so - how great would be a story about John's ghost or something coming to hunt with current canon Dean & Sam, an everything's different and nothing's different.... )

3)
SPN writer fic - Eric Kripke writing the show and pining for his own brother, whether he is aware of it or not. Considering his complicated relationship with his own brother (whatever it is).

Entry tags:

fic,
supernatural

(no subject)

Title: hard to take courage
Pairing: Sam/Dean / Sam&Dean
Rating: :gen
Word: 550

Summary: for

balder12's prompt: Dean plays with the giant rainbow slinky

( At first, Dean just - kinda, holds it- shut up! He's wanted it for years! )

Entry tags:

Back to DW :)

Hey there, lovely people! :)
You are so awesome, and thank you for stopping by!

There are some posts here from long ago, that I reposted with LJ - I am not sure what they include, tbh, so sorry if there are any forgotten monsters there waiting to snap at you heels or do your nails or idk

I'm planning on posting here again, at least for a while, but haven't in ages. My About is freshly written, and probably some good things to know....
If you'd like to check out my style of rambling weird, pet peeves and tags with typos, check out LJ, Tumblr or maybe AO3 :)

Actually, maybe I'll post a thing or two here now, from there....