I should explain, about my triggers

[citrusjava]

Hey,

So, I've been mentioning triggers for a while now, but I haven't clearly explained where I am, and I probably should. I should start by saying this isn't a response to a particular interaction - I just - I've had several related interactions in the past few days, and really I haven't ever explained where I stand on this, how I experience it, and what I need, for whoever may be willing to give it - and just, in general - it's just responsible to explain...

OK. So, I have three main triggers - issues or illness and health, death, and animals suffering. Discussion of those topics - even just seeing a vaguely related word or images - can mean hours of not being able to function, for me. Just - experiencing anxieties and waiting for that to stop. Sometimes it's shorter. Sometimes longer. I often can't eat, drink, write, would rather not communicate. In more serious cases (depending on the severity of the trigger, how much energy I have and how I feel coming into that, in my life), this can last, or partially last for days, in extreme cases, longer. And then I need to find ways to function after all, which leads to more anxieties ... it's hard.

I very much appreciate not being exposed to those topics.
When possible, cut tags or any other "spoiler treatment", can be wonderful and very much appreciated (even if I can't handle expressing that at that time...).

Regardless, if you do bring them up around me or toward me - this can very easily be read as if I don't care about people. Particularly since these are often related to needing empathy - and instead I tend to go cold.

In these situations, I generally need to not discuss not discussing the topic either, pro bably to not discuss anything else in that message or post or whatever.



Please, please understand that if you tell me about something like that and I don't reply (or don't reply to anything else either), it's because I can't. I treasure people wanting to share with me personal things, I really do. But I can't take this, I am so sorry, I just can't. Tell me about relationships, perversions, identity, I want to be there... tell me about issues of consent - I care...

Comments

[meesasometimes.livejournal.com]

(hugs)

I'm sorry.

Triggers are something that I don't think much about, not because I don't care, I do, they just aren't usually on my radar. I will try to be more sensitive to this and post with a cut for you, because I don't want to cause you unneccesary anxiety. If I forget in the future it's not that "I" don't care, I do.

so sorry baby.

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Oh, nono, you don't need to be sorry... I really didn't want this to come across as a sot of "hint-hint" post. You're so awesome, and I am happy for you... not like that... it's so - I get that... and I so appreciate you caring and being willing to try to remember that... it really wasn't towards you, it was just a general - I really have never explained it before........... .

[meesasometimes.livejournal.com]

it's ok, your feelings are valid, you don't need to explain yourself....and I can be sorry all I want :P just take my apology and gobble it up like warm sunshine XD

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's adorable. Sunshine yay!
I appreciate it a lot.

[cantarina]

I'll do my best to keep all illness/health stuff under a cut, which is a thing I talk about more often than your average person. I'm glad you posted this! You taking care of you is so important <3

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Thank you so so much, that is so fantastic of you,
It's honestly not for lack of caring...
And thank you for the support!

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Kat_Lair makes a really good point - is there a tag you use when you write about those topics? If so, I could just hide those posts on LJ, save you the trouble.

[big-heart-june.livejournal.com]

I'll try and remember, BB *hugs tight* ♥

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Thank you thank you thank you,
I would really appreciate that a lot *hugs back, big and tight*

[kat-lair.livejournal.com]

None of those topics are something I talk about a lot, and health issues are the only ones that might crop up on occasion but I will definitely try to remember. Is it just serious stuff that triggers you or any health related things, even mild, like 'I have a crappy cold' or 'oh god this hay fever' type of moans?

You know can filter in/out certain tags on your flist. That is of course if people conveniently tag such posts. But it occurs to me that if someone regularly talks about any of these topics they might also tag them. Worth looking into I guess.

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

I appreciate that so very much. THANK YOU.


Is it just serious stuff that triggers you or any health related things, even mild, like 'I have a crappy cold' or 'oh god this hay fever' type of moans?

Honestly, I'd like to say no, but a lot of the small things are hard for me as well, things like headaches or throwing up - I deal with particularly poorly.

You know can filter in/out certain tags

You make a really good point, I am so used to tags being just for inconsistent fun, that I hadn't considered that. Thanks!

[applegeuse.livejournal.com]

I really want to respect your triggers! I don't think any of these topics are things I frequently talk about. But on an adjacent level, I feel like I might reference illness when discussing h/c fics. Broadly speaking, is this something that could be a trigger for you?

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

I appreciate that so so much (hugs}
Really.

Sadly, yes, it really can... I mostly avoid that genre because of that, which I suspect is a pity, since a lot of it has nothing to do with health. Even the softer things, I get into these situations where I find myself frayed, exhausted and darkly nihilistic from reading something that was written as a sweet piece of fluff... boys getting banged up on a hunt I can mostly handle - if it's clear they're going to be ok, and it's not too graphic, and it's nothing beyond that, no hospitals if at all possible, no complications, no fear for anybody's anything - basically, if it's something Dean might freak out about happening to Sam, I'm out. ...

[applegeuse.livejournal.com]

I'll be extra careful when I talk about h/c fics in the future! I'll put them under a separate cut. If I ever forget, or casually mention anything triggering without warning/cutting for it, please let me know! ♥ ♥ ♥

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Thank you so so muuch...

And please let me know if there's something I write you need warnings for or such!

Um, are you sure I should let you know? I generally just - I know people don't do that intentionally, I generally just don't mention it...

[applegeuse.livejournal.com]

I'm sure! Only if you want to, though. If it's more triggering to you to do something like this, then absolutely no worries. <3 You could PM or email me if you'd rather do it less "publicly." I don't actually have any "triggers"; there are things I'm not fond of reading about and avoid, but nothing that really "triggers" me. Nothing that gives me anything close to the reactions you've described! I feel like I tend to be pretty careless about how I refer to things, so if you're comfortable, feel free to let me know if something triggers you so I can be more careful in the future! BUT AGAIN: if you don't want to, you don't have to!

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

That is so so sweet of you {{{}}}
And so so thoughtful.
Thank you.

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Also - hey - unpleasantness is also important. Let me know if there is stuff you'd like warnings for, or something like that.

[mystereos.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry things are so hard for you, but glad you felt you could share this and help your friends to understand where you are.

-Etaine