citrusjava

[content warning for MI, beauty standards]


Been thinking lately about demons.
Pretty much every one of them would probably be (un)living with PTSD or other MI. Things they've gone through in hell. Things they've gone through to lead them to make deals - whether it's like Bela, or feeling your soul was less important than fitting beauty standards for women. Their vessels, too - things done while possessed, but also, remember Meg's line - she's an actress, this isn't even the worst thing that happened to her?



This is a different perspective for demon politics, characterization of specific demons, perception of motives etc

Title: No evil thing will
Pairing: Osric/Jared
Rating: gen
Words: 1800
Warning: flawed, unbeta'ed and it shows, this is a 'for fun' fic, gender d ysphoria, mental-emotional issues
Tags for: trans character, non-binary Osric, Jared being a cutie, cosplay, crossplay, crossdressing, friendship is magic, Always Keep fighting
Note: this is for balder12 , on account of her being wonderful
for her prompt: "Jared/Osric where Osric has talked Jared into doing a cosplay that requires painted nails, and Osric paints them for him"

Summary: Jared's campaign brings up some stuff in Osric that he'd been carefully trying to leave behind




It's not a prank war that gets Jared to do it, not a lost bet or someone from wardrobe getting him drunk again. Not even submission to Osric's superior skills as a warrior

~

When Osric was twelve, he had a hard year. He was becoming a boy, a grown boy, no matter how much he hated it, no matter how much he told his body not to do that. Somehow he'd imagined he'd be able to decide things like whether his face was hairy, or how low his voice would go

It wasn't that he wanted to be a girl, exactly - he wanted to stay the way he was, he wanted to - he didn't want to be a boy.

He hated that his body went through that, put Osric through that, hated it bitter and dark.

It ended with doctors, and therapy he didn't want, and his father crying. It was a bad year.

It was bad enough to send Osric the other way. Training in Wing Tsun and later, Tai Chi, a way to make his body his own again. And a way to get friends again. He hated the smell of his sweat.

He got used to it. Became that guy. Found things he liked about this new self. Mostly, not being- not being there. Not being twelve.
~

Not a lot of people know this about Osric, and definitely Osric never told anyone on the show. They don't have that sort of relationship/ They're work friends, maybe getting drunk friends or barbecue friends. They don't connect the was Jared and Jensen do - nobody does. And if Osric occasionally thinks about Jared's long legs wrapped around Osric's waist – he can always just blame it on Tumblr.

When Jared launches the first video of hiscampaign, Osric looks at it, because he is part of the SPN family, because of the fans.


In seconds it puts him right back at twelve

He stays a bit cracked open for the rest of the day , skips training and just thinks – no, mostly just feels.

When Jared uploads another vid Osric cuts a night out short to go home and watch it alone. He's not sure how he'll find himself reacting to it - but he doesn't want to find out publicly .

~


He has to watch all the videos, and he's not even sure whether it's bad for him or good. He keeps tearing up – it's ridiculous. As if something bad happened. Watches over and over and reminds himself that he's ok. It's ok. He Says it out loud to himself. Nobody needs to know.

~

He watches them enough that h gets used to recognizing the intonations in which Jared says - that fighting is brave, that you are awesome if you go through that. Finds himself using those intonations too.

~

They're filming a scene together for the season ten double episode finale, and Osric spends Jared's coverage listening to the soft, genuine speech patterns he knows from the videos, in Sam's words. Weird that this can be the same man who spent the day placing whoopee cushions on every chair Misha tried to use.

They're waiting for the crew to adjust the lights around the Impala, and Osric just tells him. Careful to do it right, to connect it to the campaign Jared's so passionate about, , 'you know how everybody's got emotional scars from school?' . Just to make sure. Doesn't need to take chances with the star of the show. With the guy who's been telling him to always keep fighting low in his headphones at night. Doesn't want to lose that.

Jared's quiet for a moment, then they're called back. As they go, Jared grabs Osric in a quick, ,huge hug

"Thanks for telling me, buddy".

~

Osric begs out of cosplaying as Misty, and goes as Ash. Just to make sure it's recognizable. After that he is Loki. Then The Doctor (10!), Jareth the Goblin King, and Simba. One of the costume makers suggest he goes as Rarity, and the mane and tail she shows him are fantastic, but he's maybe been overdoing it with gorgeous. He does Wolverine instead, Aragorn. He's not a kid.

~

Jared takes pictures with him in conventions, like always. He doesn't do cosplay himself, but he compliments the outfits, makes bunny ears over Osric's Loki horns
doesn't say anything.

But after a while he starts giving Osric this soft frowny look.

~


Jared is not Sam. Not as controlled about keeping quiet, not as trained at not talking. Jared say Gen helps him be that way . If he feels it needs to be done, he'll call you out.

He grabs a moment with Osric during lunch, between panels. Osric is dressed as Batman, and it's nice. Just not – he could have gone as Sound of Music Maria, or, a designer showed him an Impala dress she'd made for herself and offered to make him one, maybe go with him as Dean, he'd been wanting a TARDIS or Impala dress…. And a fan offered to make him a Human Rarity costume - people should cut it out with the ponies, enough. Maybe he's still a little bit raw about giving up the last Rarity outfit.

"Listen, buddy" Jared says, and he is the only person Osric knows who says 'buddy' without it sounding like he's gonna tell you to move your car or lower your music. Somehow with Jared it just sounds like a friendly hand on your shoulder, like he actually means to remind you he's your buddy. Jared's mouth goes thin and stressed, and Osric's insides freeze . "Look, I - " Jared run s a hand through his hair, pulls off his beanie. "I've been talking a lot lately about how everybody goes through things, and for me, I was lucky, because I had people to talk with, I had friends who were supportive and got me through it" his eyes are lowered and in a moment he'll laugh off the way he's babbling. But not what he is saying. Even Jared's uncomfortable smile is genuine dimples. Jared gathers himself and looks at Osric. "the thing you told me - that's important, you're important. Not gonna tell you what you oughta do, but I'm here for you. I got your back". Osric says nothing. Jared looks like he's gonna let it go, but doesn't. His eyes on Osric are intent, hopeful. "You gotta – you shouldn't just shove that under the rug" he contradicts his promise almost right away. "We can talk, if you want". Jared's voice is gentle, reassuring, then there's something bright and quick in his eyes. "Or, next convention, if you wear something you - want, you can choose what I wear".

~
At first, it's Pinkie Pie. It goes with Osric's Rarity, and Jared would be a Pinkie Pie - bouncy, happy and devoted to his friends, though she's easy going where he can be righteous and he is warm and solid where she can be frazzled.

Jared running through a convention in a long pink wig can be appealing.
But as soon as Osric sees his dress for the first time, he changes his mind.


As Rarity, Osric has long soft lavender hair, big luscious curls thick over his shoulders. He has a matching tail, and soft velvety ears. But the dress, he didn’t expect. It's not a simple costume dress. Not even a cosplay dress, and he's seen some amazing cosplay dresses. It has a touch of a forties feel, tight around his ribs, to show off his long hair, with harmonious understated pleats curving up, and a skirt both precise and luxurious. This dress is loving, thought out couture. Perfect for a fashionista pony. Jared has to be a fashionista with him .

~

Once Jared stops giggling at the idea of being an evil dog-napper, he looks at himself more seriously. His movements become more measured, back straight, neck stretching, hand on his chest. looks majestic in his synthetic white fur coat, flashes of red lining when he moves . The dress underneath, almost a slip, stretches across Jared's body as he changes position, showing off aspects and angles of his beauty, like a sequin catching different angles of light.

He has a long limbed regal grace about him, when he stands still looking hard and sharp, but even as he stumbles around on his heels. Jared in heels. Jensen would need a ladder to catch up. he waves his cigarette holder around and poses raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow, mouth twisted in mock evil smiles as he checks himself out, eyes merciless. Reminds Osric of Jared's relish in playing soulless Sam.

After a moment or two, Jared wriggles out of his gloves. They're pretty, but too restrictive, Osric realizes with some sadness. Still -

"Jared, want me to paint your nails?"

~

Osric's own nails are short and amethyst, with stones in the design of rarity's cutie mark. He couldn't have made them so perfect on his own. His skill will do for a simple coat of nail polish. He gives Jared a assessing look. H e kinda wants to match metallic ancient white to the fur, like pearls, but he doesn't have it. Only has metallic blue

Osric spreads a towel on his lap, t protet his outfit, and takes Jared's hand. It's large, warm and pleasantly rough skinned. "You have the best knuckles".


Jared smiles. "I should be more careful when I punch people in the face? "
"Just make sure they moisturized before you punch them".

Jared's nails are square and thick. There's something so intimate about the way Jared relaxes in Osric's hands, lets hi move Jared's fingers as he likes, trusting.

Jared has gorgeous hands. Osric wants to run his fingers, lips, face against them, feel them cup his face. Wants to lick them and put them in his mouth. To feel the roughness of Jared's skin against his lips, dipping in.
The nail polish spreads nicely, thick and shining in tiny sparks, first layer a bit translucent still. The brush seems so smooth, Osric wants to check what it would feel like against his skin.


Jared takes a look. "It's pretty, like you could see fish down there".

Jared waits, hands spread before him obediently as the color dries, and watches Osric readjust his wig, his makeup.

"You are an amazing person" Jared says suddenly, voice low and warm. " this thing you're doing is amazing". Because Jared lets himself just say things like that. Osric isn't looking. Jared sounds lighter, changes directions with Osric's discomfort. "And you're gorgeous. I know that Cruella would definitely want a coat made out of you".

Title: That's What We Do
Author: citrusjava
Rating: gen
Characters: Sam and Dean
Spoilers: 10x16
Warnings: Mentions of canonical violence and unpermanent death

Summary: So believe in this

( spoiler cut )



AN: There are 205,000 results for the Mark on Google, once you omit the movie and the band, and Supernatural. Just another note re 10x15, I'll pretend that was not literal/their world has fewer/"search the web" must just be a less effective search engine

nce and for all: authors/writers who brag that they write "for the characters", not for the fans, aren't doing something noble and artistic. Not by saying that. Saying that in based on the assumption that fans ' interpretations of characters are shallow and 'mistaken' and that that is not ok. Both assumptions are incredibly condescending, especially from some writers, who write OOC and don't seem to know or love the characters as much as many fan writers do. ok, I have spoken. And now I will probably regret it.

Title: It Gets Better
Author/Artist: citrusjava
Recipient: alethiometry
Warnings (if applicable): experimental, PTSD, depression, implied violence and possibly death
Notes: Can he please be the next president-president?
Notes2: This Kevin is so influenced by the wonderful balder12 's writing. If you like Kevin fic at all, you should be reading hers.

Prompt to subvert: "Kevin Tran's presidential campaign", on the April's Fool Challenge at spnspiration
( They give Kevin a choice )

We've been playing this on facebook and it's fun - perhaps it could work on lazy LJ too!
This is how it goes: every person who wants to play replies to the previous question (you can post to your journal and link to it or just reply to this post. Once you've replied to a question, you ask one of your own - either a question about a person's life, or you can challenge them to make up a few lines of a fic.
It's ok to reply to something that already got a reply if you like that better.

Let's see whether this works!

(please warn for triggers, +it's ok to be uncomfortable with something and not want to do it)

OK, a few questions to start us off to choose from:
1) tell us about a really awesome cuddle session you had
or 2) post a pic of the messiest space in your home
or 3) tell us about one time you cut school, and what you did instead
or 4) write us a few lines about any of that, re.... Sam. Or Jess. Or someone you love.

I'm feeling kinda down, so it's time for a silly question.

As you probably know, Osric's had this thing going, where he commissions cosplay outfits from fans.
If one of the Js did that too, and had a good attitude about it, but was still himself what outfit would you offer?

Fabulous Loki!Osric for inspiration

~

Sorry to all the people I haven't replied to, working up the energy

Get a shirt:
https://represent.com/jared

Get a shirt for a fan who's struggling with this
http://all-spn.livejournal.com/5785298.html


Or really - most importantly -
scroll down to read Jared's personal, amazing letter