citrusjava

As you probably know, Jared has been wonderful, and campaigning to support people who suffer from depression, anxiety and so forth, and against the stigma around that.

This cause - even the very existence of the campaign -
is making such a huge difference.
It's that specific moment when a cause is new enough that just talking about it from the right perspective can literally change a person's life.

The awesome

stolen_voices organized an amazing campaign within this campaign, where fans can buy shirts for others, who can't, mostly people who experience this sort of struggle every day, to have something wonderful and meaningful to hold on to, something tangible with them, on their body or such. Anyway. If you feel so inclined, and can, do PM her or to here for more information.

Even more than the shirts, discussing this within fandom, showing support of each other within fandom.... is amazing....even just.
OK. On a personal note. This makes me feel like maybe I am not so much of a freak and a burden. It is amazing for me that people find it cool to - you know - keep fighting - value all of that and think it's awesome.
I do :-) :-)

Title: Saturation
Ship: Dean/Sam
Fandom: Supernatural
Words: 375
Warnings: Silliness, hint of fan culture
Notes: If you haven't been on Tumblr in the past day or so, this

Summary: Some things are just supernatural.

"Dean, wait!" Sam tries, they should talk about this -

"There is nothing to talk about, Sam, it's gold".

"Wait, wait, just don't - don't go" but it's too late. Dean has slammed the motel room, and moments later the roar of the Impala's engine is dropping out of earshot.

Sam tries not to panic. Dean does this. Sometimes Dean just needs time. Like all those years ago, when Dean woke up to realize that the night before he'd held his baby brother down and fucked him, even if Sam was eagerly involved. Sam tries to calm himself, pull himself together. It's OK, it will be OK. It has to. He can't lose Dean again.

It's almost night by the time Dean is back. Sam jerks up at the first sound up the motel steps. He must look like such a mess, mouth hanging open and eyes red, but he doesn't care. "Dean!" he sounds raw to his own ear, desperately hopeful. Every time Dean leaves, Sam turns into the kid who waited up all night when Dean and Dad went on hunts.

It is Dean, smiling his sheepish older brother smile, pushing the door open with his shoulder. Just like on that morning, he's holding two cups of coffee. Without a word, he put's down a large warm cup next to Sam, lingering to squeeze his shoulder, just for a moment. His fingers are still warm from holding Sam's cup. He pulls Sam's laptop open and dump the contents of the other cup into its keyboard. The laptop flickers and goes out.

"Dean! What the fuck?!" Sam is horrified. It's not just the loss of data it - it's his beloved laptop, OK? Dean just committed laptopcide. It hurt, Sam has to admit that it truly hurts.

Dean grabs Sam's shoulders. Tight. "Look at me, Sam. We can't have this coming between us. Whether the dress is gold or blue - it - " - he gathers himself - "it's important, OK? But not as important is this. As us. You're all I got, Sam. I can't lose, ever, can't, won't let that happen".

And just like that first day, he pulls Sam in and kisses him, long, and soft, and full of promise.

Ugh, LJ won't let me comment again. Because of reasons. Sorry.... I am reading (much like when I can''t comment for anxiety reasons....) - sorry
Have a Dean gif that LJ won't let me embed!
http://allthesupernaturalgifs.tumblr.com/post/28138988514/spng-tags-dean-slinky-i-want-this-because

( spoilers for 10x14 )

One of my favorite things about Jensen - or the way he seem to be etc - is one I very rarely find in fic.

I get the sense that Jensen considers it his responsibility to be there and to help people he loves. Perhaps not everyone, perhaps not in every - but I get the sense he's there for people. And for the longer run, too. If a friend were going through something, Jensen would care, would take it into account, would be supportive. If only in phone calls - in keeping that person in his thoughts. Even if Jensen weren't feeling all that stable himself, he'd want to be stable for a loved one. Not necessarily in one glorious action - just being there for the person, in subtle ways....

I wonder how come this is so rarely a point in fic - have I been reading the wrong fic?

Rewatching Veronica Mars Pilot.
So well written, so to the point efficient in characterization of Veronica and some of the social structure, not a scene wasted, and interesting, too.

Not sure who this was more offensive towards, these kids or gen-xers.

Better to consider it the ep in which Dean was British and Sam had a sparkly pink laptop.

So wait - the whole premise in the beginning, of a monster who takes people and leaves behind their clothes.
Why.
Why would Hansel stop, in a public place, to strip down unconscious children and leave behind their clothes,
then produce from somewhere age and size appropriate clothes (he'd need to carry a collection) and dress unconscious children on the street - or drag them naked away? WTF?

Why even bother dressing them at all? I mean - they're bad guys, why bother dressing the kids for a day or two only? OK, naked can be very uncomfortable, but why not just take them in their clothes? Particularly since leaving the clothes pints to the disappearance.

Also. Underoos. How does Sam know, and *seriously*, Hansel dressed Dean in underwear? Ick! I'll just hope that was a joke on Sam's part.

Title: Ketchup and Cheese
Rating: gen
Words: ~450
Notes: on the 10x12 comment meme,

amberdreams wrote a prompt which someone should fill for real. I stuck to the beginning of it - the concept of Sam going on the case alone. Also, this is unbetaed, just a quick little thing for the fun of playing 'what if' , no impressive literary intentions.

Summary: If Sam had the conversation at the bar, how might he have told the story?

"To fucked up childhoods", she says.

They clink.

" My brother, he -" Sam continues, hesitates. When he speaks again, his voice is deeper, eyes lost in a memory she can tell she's only getting the cleaned up version of. That's OK, it's not like he's getting the full versions of hers. "O ur dad dropped us off for a few hours, took him a week to stumble back" Sam grimaces, as if he isn't going through his second whiskey with her with the sun not even halfway down. She wonders, for a moment, whether he has kids of his own waiting at some crappy motel. "A friend of the family came all the way from Dakota to get him straight".

She doesn't say "wish I had a friend of the family to come get me back then".

"We only had a bunch of boxes of macaroni and cheese, and I wouldn't eat it. So he – my brother - he went into a McDonald's and grabbed" - he digs his hands into an imaginary container, fingers stretched wide, holding up with cheeky pride a huge amount of "- all the ketchup he could hold". For a moment, his dimples show. "Left a trail of ketchup packets all the way back to our room. And he made something he called Hot Blooded" -

"Like the song? Cause it was red ?"

"Yeah" his smile widens but his eyes are lowered and soft, like he finds it ridiculous, and disgusting, but will personally punch anyone who made fun . "Red, spicy. It was basically mac 'n cheese swimming in ketchup, but he insisted it was something completely new. And I ate it. And for days he practiced squirting ketchup at my head whenever I got out of the shower"

She laughs. "That sounds disgusting".

"You should have tasted his macaroni and cheese and marshmallow fluff. He didn't take out the cheese flavoring"

"Yup, gross"

He seems on the brink of protesting, but concedes. "It was. But, my brother. You know" his voice goes rougher, eyes looking away. "He was lookin out for me. I knew it"

She isn't sure what to say. He's telling the story like a funny anecdote, she doesn't know how much to acknowledge the rest. "Did you eat it?"

He nods slowly, eyes far away. "Yeah. Told him it was exotic". He smiles, sad but sweet, as if getting banged up harder made him softer, appeased him about this .

Their eyes meet, and for a second he's with her, she can see what he's like. What he's like for his brother.

She'd loved someone like that once. Three times at least, really. The further down the line you go, the more you have to love to try again.

His phone rings.

"I should go", she says.

!!!!!!!!!

There were so so many thingss about this one that made me so so happy!
So many great moments and actual worldbuilding for the boys' childhood again and so much awesome and Jensen's acting was so much better could tell there was a significant difference right away- apparently sleep works for him!
So much ic! this ep need so much fic!

I wanted Sam to be deaged too anmd for them to be stuck that way for another ep or two.

Jared was great too

and banter! Yess!!!!

!!!!

Could do without the mysogyny, fatphobia and crazy people are gross, not to mention homeless people.

But apart from that it was SO AWESOME!!!!

ETA: COMMENT MEME for this ep YES!!!!!!!!

Dean's female actress played Dean - Dean turned into a women?

That's a role I want.

I went to an academic thing, mostly just to be around people, and my favorite professor as well as some other people told me that it doesn't matter how passionate or good you are, doesn't matter in my case that I'm hopefully gonna graduate summa cum laude or that my research is appreciated, or that when I give lectures people come from other cities to participate and for years I've had full houses (not that I get paid) - there are literally no jobs about to open in years. I was told that doing a PHD is more just for the joy of the experience, and the head of the department seriously suggested opening a window cleaning business like some person she knows. My favorite professor was less horrible and said that that's the reason she sitched to studying law, but I seriously cannot see myself getting through that, I hate that field, and I don't feel I can deal with the atmosphere in that department.

So hey, any suggestions of a field for me, in which there might actually be any academic teaching positions ever, for a driven abnormal person?
I'm serious.

You know me a little. I need it o be something I can be passionate about if I can be good at it.

Dodificus, Jenepod, and Paraka recorded a fun podcast about podfic
I recorded this reply, about the concept of auditioning and the beauty of fucking up in podfic

Beard Baubles, apparently. I want bells. Also, some for Sam's hair.

Miss you fandom, come back from holiday-ing quickly...

On the December Days challenge,

glovered wrote: Which of Sam's shirts is your favorite, and why? Option to also list the most horrifying by whatever standard you deem fit. (I JUST LOVE SAMS GREAT/TERRIBLE FASHION SENSE)

I'll admit it, I like Sam's shirts. Been trying to get myself the plaid type ones before the current trend, I like that sort of - I guess masculinity reference. I must admit also, though, that I am really fond of Sam Winchester himself, and had to make an effort to separate his shirts from the cuteness and Sam of the rest of him.

I hadn't noticed The Dog Shirt

till

kalliel pointed it out - but now I like it! We had some theory going about the shirt surviving for so long because the dog was a real hell-hound and would secretly help save Sam or the boys from monsters, protecting their shirt/home - I don't remember, it was longer.

I'm fond of the v-necks

it was a pity, watching this one go

Sam felt my fanpain too

This is the second Sam shirt I happened to mention here strongly influenced by hell hounds. Perhaps they are the ones doing wardrobe for the show? I mean, who could forget these fashion forward spring cutouts?

Of course, then there is this one...
thank you for this one...

I mean, this one

There was on unexpected excursion into glam rock

a clear Velvet Goldmine reference

Then comes one of my favorite outfits of Sam's

(seriously - it's gorgeous, even just

badbastion's work with light is just gorgeous - if you haven't, look at it! But not in unfriendly pornless spaces)

Probably my favorite of all of Sam's shirts is his hoodie -it is very Sam, a certain kind of Sam... - probably the one from Jared's audition:

That was one good audition!

There aren't really any I hate...

clearly the crosses are intended to ward off vampires.
+ I want Sam to get dressed in more silly things!
It's not like Jared can't do comedy....

A little like s certain Winchester, in school I was a drama kid too - and I did sound and tech for Oliver.

Or as SPN is meant to put it: consider yourself one of the family

Also (ok, it's an extra thing) - Yeah Dean, the world has to b saved from your karaoke!
Being such a fluffy care!demon doesn't make me convinced the world needs saving from this one.

Quick research question - during season 6-7, did Sam show any romantic or sexual interest in anyone at all? Blatant subtext, even?

Thanks!

ETA: Except for Patchouli etc!

I too enjoyed discovering Dean's puppy look. But one thing I find interesting about it is that probably the reason we're only seeing it now is that Dean didn't use to get things through that with Sam. He used to tell Sam. He used to argue. Sometimes get worried. Sometimes get lied to or kept out. But not this sort of negotiation. It might be a sign Dean perceives them as more equal now .

On the December Days meme,

frozen_delight asked: What's your favourite and what's your least favourite Christmas tradition?

My family's and people who were my family's religions and so forth are/were very varied, so I wasn't raised with Christian traditions, very much. M is Christian, so I started celebrating it for her.

I like: the lights! Oh, oh, Man, all the shiny!!! I mean, it's so much glitter! And lights! My drag queen self and just my... little girl self and my... warm wintery-ness wanting selves - ahh!!!!! YES . like that. And that warm fuzzy good will thing people get when they;re toasty and forgiving and more empathic than usual....
We only went tree shopping once, cause we got a reusable folding tree thingy, but all the beauty and beautiful tackiness and... hope ... about it... Man... yeah...
And the... family and hope... ness to it ... all...
Egg nog. I love egg nog, I love that the masses liked my vegan version better than the non-vegan version, I liked making up recipes and experimenting with that and making yummy food. And bragging about it, too ;)

Family, safety...

This:

(for the lyrics)

Things I dislike about it:
Well, since I was the one organizing it for large groups of people - argh. All the budgeting, all the things everyone can't eat, all the work for days cooking, especially since it;'s hard for me, all the stuff like people not showing up at the last minute or saying they won''t come then showing up late with a date I literally don't have a chair for and expecting me to serve them like I work there... all the people participating officially in the Secret Santa thing but not actually getting gifts and me having to (or feeling I had to) get presents for people instead of them, so somehow I end up responsible for a million gifts I can't afford for people I don't even necessarily know, and trying to still be thoughtful and find something specifically for them, and often not really getting anything thoughtful for me, cause thoughtful was 'my responsibility'. Oh - and one year my mother's boyfriend-at-the-time felt it was his place to divide the leftovers between his kids without even asking. He didn't make them, pay for them, he was a guest, he didn't even bring a gift for my mom, I had to get her one in his place cause 'he doesn't feel comfortable with that sort of thing', but my mom insisted they both had to be part of the secret Santa thing. And my mom nitpicking and criticizing the way I arranged things. And people complaining about whatever issues they had with the food: there is plenty of variety, eat something else and shut up. You know - the Christmas spirit!

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citrusjava

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This is awesome and meaningful

FIC: Saturation (Dean/Sam, 375 words, crack)

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One thing about 10x13

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10x12

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