citrusjava

Hey,

So, I've been mentioning triggers for a while now, but I haven't clearly explained where I am, and I probably should. I should start by saying this isn't a response to a particular interaction - I just - I've had several related interactions in the past few days, and really I haven't ever explained where I stand on this, how I experience it, and what I need, for whoever may be willing to give it - and just, in general - it's just responsible to explain...

OK. So, I have three main triggers - issues or illness and health, death, and animals suffering. Discussion of those topics - even just seeing a vaguely related word or images - can mean hours of not being able to function, for me. Just - experiencing anxieties and waiting for that to stop. Sometimes it's shorter. Sometimes longer. I often can't eat, drink, write, would rather not communicate. In more serious cases (depending on the severity of the trigger, how much energy I have and how I feel coming into that, in my life), this can last, or partially last for days, in extreme cases, longer. And then I need to find ways to function after all, which leads to more anxieties ... it's hard.

I very much appreciate not being exposed to those topics.
When possible, cut tags or any other "spoiler treatment", can be wonderful and very much appreciated (even if I can't handle expressing that at that time...).

Regardless, if you do bring them up around me or toward me - this can very easily be read as if I don't care about people. Particularly since these are often related to needing empathy - and instead I tend to go cold.

In these situations, I generally need to not discuss not discussing the topic either, pro bably to not discuss anything else in that message or post or whatever.



Please, please understand that if you tell me about something like that and I don't reply (or don't reply to anything else either), it's because I can't. I treasure people wanting to share with me personal things, I really do. But I can't take this, I am so sorry, I just can't. Tell me about relationships, perversions, identity, I want to be there... tell me about issues of consent - I care...

Title: Afterparty (Aftermath)
Fandom: Avengers
Author: thingswithwings
Reader: nickelmountain
Rating: Teen & Up
Pairing: Bruce Banner/Tony Stark
Length: 00:07:18
Author's Summary: Tony's kissing everyone tonight, or at least everyone who'll let him.

Rec: Even if this isn't your fandom, I recommend fandom hopping for seven minutes for this touching, sweet podfic. Nickelmountain's beautiful, intimate reading makes the story sound all the more interesting and magical, as if every word is sacred and meaningful. The deep, lovely way she tells the story, like sharing something earnest late at night, complements this sweet, lighthearted, touching fic well.

Added bonus: It includes an Avengers trope I love - the base assumption that most of the team is having some sort of polyamorous relationship.

This might be of interest to some people here.
I feel like I know this song, but regardless - pretty cool to get a song from a guy saying he's into role playing as a girl for his female partner. Or for anyone, really :-)



( Lyrics (more or less) )

I was sexually harassed kinda bad - though not unusually bad - by a cab driver, last night.
Got home, it took hours, hugged M and made her tell me over and over again through her sore throat –
"Your body only belongs to you, not to anybody else".

( On a different note - all that  )

OMG, so many things happened to catch up about, *so* many.

But first, the new episode. ( The main thing I wanted to say )

Snagged from balder12

I haven't finished and posted that much fic, so perhaps I'll answer about writing in general, if I don't have a good enough fic answer.

Put a number in the comments and I’ll answer accordingly. The mission for those of us who answer the questions, should we accept it, is to stay positive about our writing and ourselves, but to also be fair about our shortcomings.

1. Of the fic you’ve written, of which are you most proud?
2. Favorite tense
3. Favorite POV
4. What are some themes you love writing about?
5. What inspires you to write?
6. Thoughts on critique
7. Create a character on the spot... NOW!
8. Is there a character you love writing for the most? The least? Why?
9. A passage from a WIP
10. What are your strengths in writing?
11. What are your weaknesses in writing?
12. Anything else that you want to know... (otherwise known as Fill in the Blank)

What if Dean's not telling Sam (he perhaps could have convinced him to do things Dean's way, he often does, like in Sacrifice), and not telling Cas, even, even though Cas was likely to be understanding - what if it's partially because Dean doesn't feel he deserves to have a happy ending?

I've been uncomfortable about about how the Batcave was too much to give the boys and still expect the series premise to remain stable and the boys to remain stable. Perhaps, being given something that big, the same way Sam retreated into himself and didn't quite take it (room etc), perhaps Dean needed it to be less good in order to be able to - IDK, exist in it?

He always said he wasn't gonna ever get an ending like that - gonna die young and that. And then he accepted it really well, enjoying it all - perhaps that was only while he didn't expect it to last? And as soon as he realized they did live there, and he had Sam, and they had a way in which Sam could perhaps enjoy the life while also not giving up his scholarly tendencies, and Cas was around, and even Kevin and Charlie were there a bit - family(ish) - perhaps that was simply too much - too foreign? And trouble, and having to worry about Sam and the supernatural, and even being horrible guilty - were at least something he knew how to deal with?

Probably, had he lost Sam, it would have been a whole lot like being with Lisa - and he couldn't go through that again... but still, he could have made it less of a problem, I believe.

( And an unrelated Wincesty quote from 910 )

There's a thing I'm curious about. And since my deadline was today and I'm still not finished writing, I'm taking the time to wonder, and ask what you think.

While the word "gay" becoming a commonly used derogatory term, with all the hype about that, I hear more and more ability-related words being used as positive - crazy, sick, insane, even "I can't!" and its many variations have to do with it. Some aren't that new, but they're around a lot.



Personally I don't mind it, very fond of some of those, really (except for when it's triggery, which does sometimes happen) - but I do wonder what it means. Is this the stage before the backlash, in which an issue is becoming more socially accepted? I don't feel we're nearly there yet... definitely not enough for such a widely spread use of the words. Is it just people flipping meanings, like happens for some reason a lot? DK.